ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
