i would punch a child for taco bell
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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