One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
