I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
