Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
