youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
