I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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