just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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