there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
