My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
