We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
