Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
