so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
should my penis look like a turkey
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
