I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
