My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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