The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
