If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
