Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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