after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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