Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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