Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
