Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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