Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize