how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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