I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
