the condom got lost in my hair
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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