When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
