I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize