Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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