Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
