Your face is a jimmy john
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
