just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.