I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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