I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
