I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
