We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
