I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
