Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
