My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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