where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
sex in a hospital.. check
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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