I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
