just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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