Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
