Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
