Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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