if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
