I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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