You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Screwed.edu
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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