I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
