Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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