i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
