so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
