I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
