Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
