Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
