He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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