I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
