Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
