she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
