U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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