loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Randomize
