is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
